Monday, September 28, 2009

"Don't you have something to say to your sister?"

I can already hear the phone of my sisters is calling to say, "I can NOT believe you posted that picture!" None of us is looking at the camera. We are all laughing so hard at Bradford hiding behind us. We were trying to get a good shot of just the girls. He was crawling at the ripe old age of 7 months and we could only contain him for about 15 seconds before he was back in the shot! My poor husband, the photog for the day had all of us there at 7am for the best light! WHATEVER! As you can see I had the worst hair of everyone...
Poor Dee was so sick. She is white as a ghost!
Hair does not matter, time of day does not matter, this shot is one of my absolute favorites. Because it shows us like we really are. Always laughing, except when we are arguing. And even when we are arguing! Always together except when we are apart. And even when we are apart. Always there for one another no matter what!
We pretend we don't know when to keep our mouth shut, when to not triangle another sister in, when to respect boundaries. We do know how to love each other til it hurts! We would literally lay down everything in the world for one another.
You may not like what I have to say but you are going to hear it anyway, because I am your sister!!
And I said so.
I'll give you a piece of gum!
I love you, and you, and you, and you, and you too!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Screw Scheduling Sex!

"Hey Mom, I got my eye on you..."
May I pee in peace, please? Mommy will be with you in a moment. Give mommy a time out please. I want to take a shower by myself this time! No thanks, I don't need any extra toys in the shower with me. Are the kids in bed?? Do you think they are asleep yet???

I think there is a country song that says something like I don't mind being alone but I don't like being lonely...

So I have resorted to defining my life by a country song. Hmmm....

Screw Scheduling Sex! (Pun intended) You can always fit that in. I never knew I would actually need to schedule my own quiet time. I love being with my kids & Husband and I miss them when I am not with them. But THANK GOD someone out there invented PEDICURES!! Because my self-attempt at painting my left foot did not lend to getting my right foot painted.

Shh! Let's all play the quiet game....for a couple days????

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I am complete

First day of Preschool 2009. What's next? College? I still remember when he was a tiny baby that I wanted to sit and watch sleep.

Brandon and I were having breakfast at Snooty Pig the summer of 2005, on a Sunday morning. Our usual, please. This was back when they still had the tree scene on that small wall. We were sitting at that 2 top table. I remember because I always liked that table; like you were out in a garden or something. Kind of goofy I know. Anyway, being all emotional like you are when you are
5 months pregnant, we were talking about how excited we were for our new little baby coming. I was telling Brandon how I always knew I wanted to be a mom. (Granted I always said I would adopt my kids after they were potty-trained!) But I never knew how much I wanted to be a mom until that moment, crying in Snooty Pig with our favorite waitress Deb, patting me on the back. She didn't even know what I was crying about. It did not matter. That moment changed my life. This what I was meant to be!

I have loved every minute of it. Pregnancy, yes even looking back all the morning sickness with Berkeley was worth it! How is this for a line? I would have thrown up all day for 9 months for that kid! Thankful, yes, it was only 4 months.

Although, I will say after Berk's 1st birthday I was ready to wean and truly have my body back. While I am not ready to say our family in complete, I am ready to say I am complete.

Join us as we walk for Bradford's 4th Birthday and help another couple create a family! November 14, 2009.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Humpty Dumpty we all fall down

Not sure what to title this yet. "Call it what it is: Grief" or "The difference between Postpartum and Just Depression" or maybe "The elephant in the room sucked out all my air"!

Here we are again. September 16th. Three years ago I walked out of Bradford's room after putting him to bed. I had heard the phone ring but knew Brandon would answer it. So when I got into the living room he told me to sit down. He didn't have to! There was no sugar-coating. But like all horrific things in my life the truth of what has just happened is always the last thing to come to mind! When my aunt had to tell my sisters and myself our dad died, I was stunned. I actually thought when she said I have some bad news, something had happened to someone else. No matter that I had just seem him wheeled out on a stretcher to the ambulance 30 minutes prior!

Back to Sept 16. Then he said "Jodi is dead." My mind automatically went to a friend of ours. Then he said, "No, Rena. Your cousin Jodi." I fell apart. Like Humpty Dumpty, I still have not been completely put back together again.

2007 rolled around and I was 3 months after having a miscarriage and already 6 weeks pregnant with Berkeley. So I chalked my grief at the time up to postpartum! 2008 I was 4 months post delivery, so postpartum again, right? Nope! 2009 and I am still grieving. Combine tomorrow with next week is Mema's birthday. The first birthday since she passed away in January. I have felt tears ready at a nano-seconds notice for a week. My therapist says simply notice what you are feeling. Then you can deal with it. So here I go...

She was 5 foot tall and barely 100 pounds. Strawberry red hair and she was a force! Don't dare reckon with her! She lived life fully. She had three beautiful daughters. It is easy to forget some days that she is gone. It's harder to remember some days that she is not here. We were polar opposites in some ways and exactly alike in others. We were each others arch rival at times and sweet friends at others. She taught me to live in the present every day. Don't worry about tomorrow because yes even at 30 tomorrow may never come. She survived being a premature baby at just over 7 months or so, in 1975. Pretty unheard of back then. She survived her car going off a bridge when she blacked with her oldest two girls in the car with her in her mid-twenties. She survived a faulty defibrillator! But she did not survive that white suburban that decided to run a stop sign.

I am thankful that my constant memory of her is riding on the back of that motorcycle, a sunny day, her red hair flowing behind her, smile on her face, loving life, so care-free. I am thankful that some day I will make it through the town of Waco and past the Lacy Lakeview exit without tears and tightening of my chest. I am thankful I will some day make it through the month of September without feeling like I will fall apart. I am thankful she was my cousin. I am thankful I had the privilege to learn from her. Lastly, I am thankful for all those childhood memories that will carry me through my tears. And maybe, just maybe someday I can ride on the back of a motorcycle again.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Revive Africa Fundraiser

Join us for Ladies Night Out and Support a Cause!
This Thursday 7PM!
Revive Africa needs your help and you need a night out! So let's all win together. Click on the invite above or go to
See you there...

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Saturday, September 12, 2009

Do people in hell eat s'mores?

What does Ricky say to Lucy? Ahyayi! So we are reading in the children's bible story book about Jesus in the wilderness for 40 days and nights being tempted by the devil....Actually since I am never really sure how age appropriate certain topics are for a 3 year old, I avoid reading how Cain killed able! I mean getting over David "slaying" Goliath took weeks of "Why was that giant so mean?" "If he had used his manners would David have still thrown the rocks at him?" And yes I substituted slaying for killing. So back to last night: Question #1 was "Mom what's a Devil?" Not sure exactly how to answer, I called my mom. Not home. Called her cell. Pops answered. And Bradford thinks Pops (Richard) knows EVERYTHING! And of course he does have a great response. When all else fails, take it back to the beginning. The Devil was an angel in Heaven that did not want to follow God's rules. Great opening line. I can take it from there. Except that Aunt Brittany was over and she decides to throw out her two cents with He lives in Hell with lots of fire and that is where the bad people go. Oh boy! So she goes home and am left with all the questions like where do people in hell sleep? And what do they eat? I bet they can make s'mores with the fire. Mom do you think the devil eats s'mores? Is it bedtime yet?