I used to love the drive to Waco. It meant a chance to get away. Ever since the summer I moved there to get away--maybe more like run away. That was where I could always go and leave the stress and heartbreak of my life behind.
These past three years have been me running away again. Dreading that drive to Waco or anywhere south. Avoiding it when possible, until yesterday...
Just within view of the Lacy Lakeview exit I start to feel it. Each time it surprises because I have spent so much time convincing myself I have dealt with it and it won’t get me this time...So here we go again....This time is different. The tears have not come yet. So far it is just the lump. I decide to think about the fun times at the lake when we were little instead of what Meyers Exit means.
By the time I hit the exit for George's I actually have a smile on my face. The Circle where the Elite Cafe was and that Mexican food place to the right.
By New Road I am full of cheerful, fun memories of all the joy that Waco was for me before Jodi died.
The damn broke as I caught glimpse of the Hewitt exit. But this time was different. Tears of relief were replacing the old tears of grief! What a refreshing feeling to understand finally what it feels like to deal with loss, to move on, to celebrate life instead of mourn loss.
This grainy photo is the last picture taken of Jodi. She was in the background reaching for the bouquet at my baby sister's wedding 5 days before she died. The last day our whole family saw her. So while it is out of focus, it is beautiful to me.
What I imagined my first pregnancy would be like: Take test. Positive! Look in the mirror and notice awesome pregnancy glow, pick up helpful books, rock ...